So This is Christmas...

"So this is Christmas and what have we done? Another year over and a new one's just begun."

What better way to begin the first part of my year end post. In this one I will go over my first semester of college and how I felt. The Second Part will be composed after New Year's and contain the usual, where I want to be in the coming year and my reflection on 2006 as a whole.

EPISODE ONE
One down, one semester down and one to go and then I bid a fond fuck you to Temple University. I have solidified my decision to transfer to Rutgers next fall, now I just play the waiting game. Words escape me as I try and describe my first semester. It was a whirlwind, and I know it is cliche to say but it seems like yesterday I was excited and giddy about my first day of school. As the semester rolled on I grew increasingly depressed and used school work as a distraction. It was the mix of loneliness and fear that put me in the saddest spot I have been since grade school. I have never had a long term girlfriend and even though I put myself out there nothing ever seems to click. That was probably the biggest factor of my depression, the fact that I had to endure victory tales of my friends about sexual exploits while the best I got was a random hook up here and there. I was in no way mad at my friends or blame them for telling the tales, I would have done the same. No, I hated myself. Surely it was I who was the cause and reason why no girl would have me. These feelings are not new to me and I reacted the same as I have always, with indifference. I become a shell of my true nature, numb to any of the extreme emotions. Love, hatred, passion, lust, all these eluded me and to a degree still do. This is the rebuilding of a wall that had been broken for at least the final stages of my high school career where I fond myself silently weeping for no reason and extremely irritated. After that I felt the best I ever have until this semester. I fear I am becoming the emotionally hollow boy I was for my teen years again. However this time is different, I don't want to become this shell...

Much More On the Next Post, I should be revived from many a party and hopefully some richer stories to tell.