Movie Review

Ok so here it goes, short post today only three movie reviews.
Spider Man 3:
Anyone who said this was awful, you are entitled to your opinion but in this case youre wrong. It was campy, it was fun, it was exciting, it was cool. I liked it a lot. The second time through I enjoyed it even more. Very good in my eyes.
Hot Fuzz:
Great. Riproarious. So much fun and so funny. Better than Shaun of the Dead which is saying a lot because I love that movie. Go see it now.
Thumbsuckker:
Been wanting to see this movie since it came out in 2005. This and its partner movie Chumscrubber are two that I really wanted to well see and I got the chance to yesterday. Thumbsuckker was on a movie channel and being that I just got my wisdom teeth extracted I sat and watched. It was good, saw myself in the main character, not that I suck my thumb, but everything else felt like what I was going through when I was applying for college and the pressure from my family and all that jazz. So a good movie, I'll probiblly rent Chumbscrubber soon so you know excited about that. Seeing 28 Weeks Later tonight so I'll review that next week. Anyway as always thanks for reading and hope all is well.
SO it goes,
Steve

The End

So I just had my last class for my Freshman year of college. Let me say the experience has been surreal. I do feel different, and I'm happy with the change. Of course this was experienced in length last post. Since then what have I been doing? Well watching some television shows and listening to some music. Honestly besides sleeping and eating that's basically what I've been doing. I finally found a means to watch a sitcom entitled 'Spaced". It stars Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, the two guys from Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. Let me say its been and experience. Besides being absolutely hilarious, it also inspired me to begin writing a half hour television show. I'll put up a synopsis in the coming months once I've completed the six or seven odd episodes. Hopefully I can make them a reality on RU-TV next year or at the very least film them myself and make it an Internet program. What else? Hmmm, music wise I've just gone back to older Thrice and implore all of you to listen to this Canadian singer/songwriter Feist. From what I understand its sort of a one woman show but I could be wrong. Either way listen to the whole album on the myspace or buy it when it comes out tomorrow. Good gift for moms or girl friends I think, or effeminate males. Anyway I don't have much else, kind of a bland existence I know but everyone has that at some point. Summer starts on May 9th and I can't wait. So more after my finals. Next week I'll put up my reviews of Spider-Man 3 and Hot Fuzz. Anyone who knows me is well aware of how much stick I'm putting into these two movies. Until then be well.
So it goes,
Steve

Its Been Awhile Hasn't It?

Well I'm back. Where did I go, nowhere just lazy. For those of you new this is really just a place for me to vent and put some ideas out there nothing good but if you're looking for something to read then sure why read this. Here's whats been going on since I last posted...Kurt Vonnegut died, I got into Rutgers, school has one more week, I wrote three short stories, I found some new music, I saw some new movies, I changed my major, I read some books, I got flustered with myself, I got happy with myself, I got indifferent. Nothing basically defines me right now. Nothing completely new, nothing old. I am longing for the summer to just become me for a change. I need this time to do some serious refurbishments on my mind, body and soul. I want to find someone who will sleep in the same bed as me. As I said before I got into Rutgers. I will be going there in the fall and if all goes well for the rest of my academic career. What new things will this school bring me? Hopefully some self confidence, a significant other, a new lease on life. I don't think I've ever been more prepared for a relationship. As of now I'm OK with myself and I haven't been that in a long time, so we will see about that. I'm at the point where I finally love myself enough to love another person. Where she is I don't know? Hopefully Rutgers, at least New Jersey. I've found out that I can be charming when I want to and funny when I don't try. There is something about the opposite sex that really gets a rise outta me. See I was trying to be funny there and it probably didn't work. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, which is an analogy that there are plenty of girls out there and that one or two or fifteen strike outs doesn't mean you're out of the game. Good, I guess. Do you want to know my real problem? It's the same thing in everything I do, I try to please other people long before myself. If I think my friend will have a better chance than me with a girl then I step aside and don't try. Maybe I'll stop stepping aside. Confidence is as much as a inner feeling as it is a physical manifestation. So what to do now but wait until I am placed in a position to do such a thing. Another thing I want to try this summer is a reconnection of old friends. I feel like I've distanced myself over the past school year and believe me it wasn't intentional. It was my apathetic ways creeping up again. I think the next four months will be good for me and those who still like to associate themselves with me. I'm getting there, the point of my true-self. It's taken a lot longer than most people but I think this change will be good. This blog will become a more regular thing, I need to practice my writing. Maybe I'll put some of the short stories on here and if I could get feedback that would be a really cool move. I realized that my prose isn't as bad as I thought, I have a style unlike most. It is digressive and I use the whole spectrum of vocabulary. There will be modest words that everyone knows and then out of the blue I will come out with some advanced sentence that when read seems like it doesn't fit but trust me it does. The thing about me is: I'm something of a romantic. I've been looking for a dramatic lifestyle all my life. I want my life to be reflected on the screen and vice verse. But doesn't everyone see their life as a movie at some point? If not well then hall me off to the loony bin because I am constantly rearranging my view to be more cinematic. I need to start making things happen for myself instead of waiting to see if there is some script of my life. Expect more chances taken, more of a life lead, more happiness. One big stride I have taken is I don't get angry anymore, at least not as much as I used to. What the fuck do I care if someone says shit to me or about me or doesn't like me. I don't crave approval as much nor on as big as a scale. So all good things to come and a few have already. Change is progress my friends no matter how it pans out. Now if I could only grow a beard I'd be set. More to come people, I am finally ready to live the life I should have been.

So it goes,
Steve

A Reassessment...

Well it seems that the last few posts haven't been much fun. I am happy to report that I am at a good place right now. Started lifting hard and dieting. I am excelling in my acting class. Things seem to just be right now. Nothing crazy or exciting has happened recently I just have been becoming myself. Let It Be, one phrase has helped me so much. I am writing again, two scripts at the moment. The one I am really rolling on is a guy going through all this really rough stuff during his childhood years but he is just now, in his twenties, getting the chance to experience all that innocence. This enlightened time comes from a week spent with his nephew. I'm really excited about it, maybe I'll post some maybe not. Been watching Taxi Driver a lot, easily my favorite film of all time. A close second is Clerks which has been one of my favorites for as long as I can remember. That's all that I have to report at this time but I'm sure these posts will become more frequent and more interesting.
So it goes,
Steve

P.S.
Everyone visit www.pandora.com it's this huge customisable music site that opens you up to new bands according to your preferences.

And now for something completely different...

First off for those who were wondering about my feel bad post, all is well now. Anyway I have completed two weeks of the second semester and honestly they haven't been bad. I'm taking plenty of classes to keep myself occupied and no one has severely pissed me off yet. However I came home this weekend which stirred up a whole lot of interesting feelings. I know it is probably not healthy but I am constantly competing with my two younger brothers and by my count they both have a pretty big jump on me. Don't get me wrong I love them and I want them to succeed, but is it wrong of me to not want them to succeed at everything. Take John for instance he is probably going to play varsity baseball this year, a sport I played for thirteen years and is actually something I hated doing mostly because of my father but that's for another post. John is taking four honors or AP classes next year. He got inducted into NHS, something I missed by .01. He has the favoritism of my father. He is not a bad looking kid and will definitely go to a better college then me. The worst of it is I feel he has no need for me. I have always placed myself out there for aid if either of my brothers would need and John never came to collect. Danny is also doing much better then I ever did. He is excelling at track, a sport I played for four years and was varsity but it came at a huge price IE my pride. Danny is also taking AP History next year, another class I took and he will probably do better then me there as well. What it boils down to everything I have done my two younger brothers do better. It is almost as if I have no talent to myself. I like to think I am a good writer, and I always had that on John, but now I find that its not that I am better I just like it more. He is in fact an excellent poet. Some of his sonnets he wrote, at record speed I might add, are wonderful. Its just I don't have anything to call my own. I feel like the vanilla kid, you know nothing special. I am far to sensitive to everything they say or do. I am almost at the verge if signing up for ARMY ROTC next year and just going to fight because I know that that is something they would never do. The one thing I want to do, but have no support in, is act. I have told my parents this and while my father laughed my mother explained to me that I do not have the chops for it and even if I did there is no guarantee that I could even make me happy. So I'm sticking to business and and I'm sure that is a lovely career, but I do not know if Ill be happy. I lied before when I said all is well. Socially everything is fine but I am beginning to feel numb. I have been alone for so very long and its hurts no more than ever. I'm just looking for a break in anything. I just want something to call my own, something I can show my family and say "See I am worth while". I need for me to be in a play, or meet the girl of my dreams, or save an old man from a burning building. Anything to get a reaction from my family besides "That's neat". I have above average ambitions but all I keep doing is achieving average goals . I don't know why I am so needy, I don't know why anytime my father says something in any matter other than positive, and those statements are few and far between, I feel sick to my stomach like I did something wrong. I have this constant feeling that I should be apologizing for something, or that I'm at the verge of getting caught after doing something bad. Its a feeling of discomfort, one of self doubt. I just chop myself down so much that I look to other people for praise and it doesn't come. But what is there for me to do. I have been like this forever, and I don't see myself changing. I just work myself up towards an outcome and when I achieve that goal I feel no satisfaction. I feel trepidation. Its a fear of being bested. Its a fear of me being beaten by the two people that shouldn't beat me. I know I can not be better than my brothers at everything but cant I get one thing to have. One thing to hold for myself and yes hold over their heads, because lord knows they do it to me. And its not just them, I am just afraid of becoming nothing. I have greatness on my mind but there is nothing for me to be great at. I will never be renowned at something. Never be an expert. It is one thing to want greatness and have something to be great at. I'm in a class all alone, I want greatness but have nothing. I have things I'm good at but nothing to say hey this is my topic, this is my area of knowledge. I don't get that feeling one would completing the task of their expertise. I am a bright kid but I just feel bound to be minuscule. I just wish to do something and have onlookers say "Wow he is really good at that". Is that so wrong. Is it so bad to want others to admire me. I'm not even asking to be good at everything just one. I don't know, these are foolish thoughts and I should brush them away. But this is the truth and its something that may even inhibit my actions one day, or I'm past that part and on the acceptance route. Either way I don't like the outcome, both lead to my decent into obscurity. I don't know, we will see how it pans out. I'll be alright.

So it goes,
Steve

January 22, 2007 and all is well

So This is Christmas...

"So this is Christmas and what have we done? Another year over and a new one's just begun."

What better way to begin the first part of my year end post. In this one I will go over my first semester of college and how I felt. The Second Part will be composed after New Year's and contain the usual, where I want to be in the coming year and my reflection on 2006 as a whole.

EPISODE ONE
One down, one semester down and one to go and then I bid a fond fuck you to Temple University. I have solidified my decision to transfer to Rutgers next fall, now I just play the waiting game. Words escape me as I try and describe my first semester. It was a whirlwind, and I know it is cliche to say but it seems like yesterday I was excited and giddy about my first day of school. As the semester rolled on I grew increasingly depressed and used school work as a distraction. It was the mix of loneliness and fear that put me in the saddest spot I have been since grade school. I have never had a long term girlfriend and even though I put myself out there nothing ever seems to click. That was probably the biggest factor of my depression, the fact that I had to endure victory tales of my friends about sexual exploits while the best I got was a random hook up here and there. I was in no way mad at my friends or blame them for telling the tales, I would have done the same. No, I hated myself. Surely it was I who was the cause and reason why no girl would have me. These feelings are not new to me and I reacted the same as I have always, with indifference. I become a shell of my true nature, numb to any of the extreme emotions. Love, hatred, passion, lust, all these eluded me and to a degree still do. This is the rebuilding of a wall that had been broken for at least the final stages of my high school career where I fond myself silently weeping for no reason and extremely irritated. After that I felt the best I ever have until this semester. I fear I am becoming the emotionally hollow boy I was for my teen years again. However this time is different, I don't want to become this shell...

Much More On the Next Post, I should be revived from many a party and hopefully some richer stories to tell.