So This is Christmas...

"So this is Christmas and what have we done? Another year over and a new one's just begun."

What better way to begin the first part of my year end post. In this one I will go over my first semester of college and how I felt. The Second Part will be composed after New Year's and contain the usual, where I want to be in the coming year and my reflection on 2006 as a whole.

EPISODE ONE
One down, one semester down and one to go and then I bid a fond fuck you to Temple University. I have solidified my decision to transfer to Rutgers next fall, now I just play the waiting game. Words escape me as I try and describe my first semester. It was a whirlwind, and I know it is cliche to say but it seems like yesterday I was excited and giddy about my first day of school. As the semester rolled on I grew increasingly depressed and used school work as a distraction. It was the mix of loneliness and fear that put me in the saddest spot I have been since grade school. I have never had a long term girlfriend and even though I put myself out there nothing ever seems to click. That was probably the biggest factor of my depression, the fact that I had to endure victory tales of my friends about sexual exploits while the best I got was a random hook up here and there. I was in no way mad at my friends or blame them for telling the tales, I would have done the same. No, I hated myself. Surely it was I who was the cause and reason why no girl would have me. These feelings are not new to me and I reacted the same as I have always, with indifference. I become a shell of my true nature, numb to any of the extreme emotions. Love, hatred, passion, lust, all these eluded me and to a degree still do. This is the rebuilding of a wall that had been broken for at least the final stages of my high school career where I fond myself silently weeping for no reason and extremely irritated. After that I felt the best I ever have until this semester. I fear I am becoming the emotionally hollow boy I was for my teen years again. However this time is different, I don't want to become this shell...

Much More On the Next Post, I should be revived from many a party and hopefully some richer stories to tell.

Welcome to Dispordore /“Man You Have a Big Nose”

My other enterance to the Temple literary magazine, hyphen.



From the office of Harold Mehlman, the first hand account of Captain Davis of his trip to Dispordore:

In the coming years space travel will vastly increase and more and more ventures will be taken. The following is the account of MCI-89, travel robot companion to the valiant Captain Davis. The planet they encountered was called Dispordore, by the Earthlings; however the Dispordorians called it Place Where We All Live. You see the Disapordorians all looked like humans but had one strange trait. When they spoke they said what was expected as well as what they thought. So if a Dispordorian wife asked her Dispordorian husband if her dress made her look fat he would so answer “No of course not/ No your face does.” While this might propose a problem for all Earth women the female Dispordorians all were used to it. It has been edited by this office which is seen in the parenthesis. So now join Captain Davis and MCI-89 as they step off their ship, dubbed Schwarzenegger 1 after the United States’ buffest president, and are greeted by the Dispordorian President/Most Hated Man on the Planet:

“Well, well, well what do we have here MC. It seems that we are on a different planet but if I learned anything from our training video (Planet of the Apes with Charlton Heston, the Marky Mark version sucks) this is obviously Earth in the future.” Davis exclaimed gallantly jumping down from his ship.
“Sir, soil samples state otherwise.” MCI-89 said almost prepared to shoot down his leader exclamation.
“Right well, I was just testing you MC. And…hmm…congratulations! You passed with flying reflected light that shows a cornucopia of shades (colors). I’ll send you a fruit basket next Halloween.”
“Thank you sir, but that is neither necessary nor prudent.”
Upon the horizon dozens of news cameras and vans as well as a few thousand people were rushing to the crash site.

“Look they’re here to welcome me,” said Davis “quick do I have anything in my teeth?”
“You look fine, sir.” MC stated, (he would have rolled his eyes and sighed if he had any eyes, eye sockets, or vocal cords.)
Then the President/Most Hated Man on the Planet entered “Welcome/come on this again, welcome/how many times do we need to do this, welcome/oh well everyone put on you plastic smiles, to you my metal friend! Oh and you brought a primitive man along with you for company how nice.”
“Hey wait a minute…do you got the double talk son?” Davis questioned
“Oh you’re speaking of the traditional false truth/true truth talk we Dispordorians/Place where we live-ians have been using for thousands of years/since last week.”
“Oh I see…coughfreakscough.”
“Ah in a gesture of friendship he speaks like us/jackass.”
Aside
“MC we must get out of here.”
“I concur, sir”
To President and crowd
“Well we must be off lots more of wonderful species to meet and they wont shake their own hands. Goodbye good friends hopefully our time will let us meet again.” Davis said with a grand salute.”
“Thank you/thank God, thank you/ finally we can go back to playing PS 99, good traveling/good riddance.” the President/Most Hated Man on the Planet said. (The main export and source of income for the Dispordorians is entering and winning varying types of video game tournaments ranging from Halo 100 to classic scrabble.)

END TRANSMISSION

To this day no other humans have traveled to Dispordoria. Obviously their double talk is very annoying. Also many races take their way of speaking to offence. In the year 2067 A.D. the Dispordorians were erased from the universe after they welcomed the Horgons, a race composed of ill-tempered and highly armed meerkats. There were no complaints.


Probably will be picked. So it goes,
Steve

"Hey you write very well, want another piece in our magazine"

Here is a love letter to no one that I submitted to my school literary magazine. It may not be very good but whatever after they received my Dear Me At 33, it was selected, they asked for another piece so here is what I cam up with:

With My Heart In One Hand and My Soul In the Other

Dearest one,
Yes it is I, bet you never thought you would get one of these from me. It's been far to long that my heart has had to endure this strain. However this can be easily remedied by three simple words...I Love You. Yes its true and i have felt this feeling for you from the day I met you. It is clear in my mind...your black hair feel on your shoulders magnificently, your eyes piercing me with every glance. I was still in the process of building some sort of self esteem when you chose another to be with. He was an older guy and I resented you. Later on I would learn you noticed my animosity, I never felt so low in my life. But then the glorious day came when you separated. From that I stayed away thinking I was not good enough. For the remainder of high school we shared a close friendship. And I, foolishly, thought that was enough. College was our next step and I began to feel for you once more what I had those years ago. Alas we attended different schools and I thought it could not be. So I began my true single life, involving myself with as many girls as I desired. But the more girls I saw the more it solidified my lust and love for you. So I devised a plan, to profess what I had been feeling to you over thanksgiving break. But once again the fates were against me. I find out you are in a relationship, not from you but another source. This news hit me harder than anything before. My first true heartbreak. Until this time I thought that I could at any time tell you I was ready and you would run into my arms. For the first time in our relationship I find that either you have moved on or you are just only interested in my friendship. Or perhaps you were just tired of waiting. But I need you to understand that I never felt good enough for you. I now know, with limited time maybe, that you must know my feelings. I can not go on living without you knowing, it hurts to much. If it is not to be, oh well at least I tried. And if Mark or any other guy ever upsets you or hurts you in anyway I will make them pay. I would do anything for you. Please understand this. If you feel the same way please wear the rose I included with this letter to the football game that I'm sure you will go to anyway. I will say it again I love you. Goodbye for now.
END LETTER

Probably won't be picked. So it goes,
Steve

Movie, Book, and Cd Review

Here's a transition post for myself and you all. Today I will review a Book, a Movie, and a CD. Lets get started...
Book:
Freakonomics by Steven D Levitt and Stephen J Dubner
It is a book about the world really. Asks strange questions but answers them so logically it took me by surprise. Very Good Read. A -
Movie:
Saw III
It was alright not as good as the first and sad to say not even the second. This movie is good for fans of the series but not suspenseful enough nor gory enough for my tastes. C +
CD:
The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance
I was a little apprehensive about buying this album. While their first album is one of my favorites the second did not impress me to such a degree that I couldn't give it up. So when I read the first reviews I was shocked to hear such positive results. I was especially taken aback when my friend Mike told me he liked it, he is highly critical but not to the snob degree but the logical. So I bought the album and boy was I surprised. Arena rock all the way. This new album is more on track and something to be very proud of. A

So it goes,
Steve

On the Instructions Of A Friend

Well first off let me say its been a while. Sorry about that to all of my legions of fans but I've a bunch of midterms and to tell the truth I was just lazy. This post I would like to dedicate to one Mr. Jared, he knows who he is, who last night gave me such a talking too about my lack of posting. This post will be split into three parts. The first I will call The Week where some interesting things happened but nothing really awesome. The second will be an excerpt from my short story entitled Dear Me at Thirty Three. And finally the third section will be a shameless promotion for my new favorite website.
Let us begin....
The Week Where Some Interesting Things Happened But Nothing Really Awesome
Basically this week was composed of a few cool things but nothing to brag about. I can tell you I saw the Red Hot Chilli Peppers on Tuesday. It was good but being that I saw them once before and Dave Grohl was on that tour so I decided our previous encounter was better. Also the fact that Fast Times At Ridgemont High has been on about twenty times and I watched each and every airing was a plus. It's been cold here in PA both in the air and emotionally. I have this indifferent feeling towards everything which I am not accustomed to. I am usually lively and more passionate about life in general but PA and Philly in general seems to drain me. That is why I have solidified the fact that I will be transferring to Rutgers University next year. I miss Jersey so much, nothing in particular but just the state, the vibe of the NJ. Until that time I plan to make myself busy so that I won't feel so empty. I am taking 18 credits from six courses next semester and have also joined the student run radio station. My two hour spot will be me basically playing music, taking calls, and listening to people bitch about school or politics or anything else that fills the mundane lives of Temple students. In addition to my radio show I have also submitted a little piece of literary work entitled Dear me at 33. It curtails the story of a 33 year old man who finds a letter he wrote to himself at the age of ten. I will now let you faithful reader get a sneak peek at my first venture into legitimate writing. The part I am including happens right after the man reads the letter. And now for your enjoyment...
Dear Me At Thirty Three
... he pinched between his eyes on the bridge of his nose creating a dam of sorts for the tears. He had just read the most profound thing in his entire life and it came from his own ten year old mind. The hopes, dreams, beliefs, of the boy he was were so much stronger than the truths he now held. What had made him feel this way, had life killed the man that boy was supposed to grow up to be. It was then and there in his dank dirty garage where David learned the true definition of epiphany. This letter had become a key to a better life....
What I just included would be the summery or description of the story if it would ever become something other than an inclusion of an undergraduate literary magazine. With this story I also plan to compose the actual letters that David would have written if he was real. I want to have a collection of this mans life because it was something that I did not do for myself. More to come.

And now for my shameless promotion:
http://www.nobodyswatching.tv PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AND LOVE IT.

So it goes,
Steve

"It's Been One Week..."

One week. One week of my college carrier is complete. So you may ask how Temple University is treating me. Very well actually. I am rooming with three other guys from my high school, Jeff, Neil, and Jay. They're fun and I have no complaints. Being in their presence does force me to search out other company for warrant of meeting new people. Classes are good, I tested out of freshman English and was placed in the hardest course Temple offers, Intellectual Heritage. This semester in IH I have to read many works from the BC time periods. I do not find these particularly interesting but I will forge ahead. I started a new book, Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughter House Five. Its great as is all Vonnegut. His work has had such a profound effect on me that I can not put it into words. He is everything I wish to be in a writer. My novel, be composed as I write this, takes great inspiration from Vonnegut's style. I can tell you it is called Rube Goldberg and that it revolves around two parallel stories from different centuries, anything else would spoil the surprise. No one knows if it is pointless or not for me to write a novel. I look at it as preparation. If I ever have the opportunity to meet a publisher, which is something I would like to create for myself that said opportunity, I will have a piece of work very dear to me and hopefully good.
Besides taking courses and writing this week in college I have been keeping in touch with my friends at other schools. On Friday I visited my friend Colin at Villanova. He has been my friend since preschool and I know he will be one to carry over into my adult life. My other good friend from home, Derek, moved into his school, Rutgers, on Saturday. I am a little worried about him, he is big into parties. I just hope he stays safe and stays in school. My other half, Mike, moves into Ramapo this week. I like to think of him as the other half of my brain. We are very similar yet different enough. We have been brain storming ideas for a film and I think we have come up with something. More on that when details smooth out.
Reading this post over I find that this blog has become somewhat my own personal records of my creativity. Writing down my exploits as well as creating works will be an interesting task.
One of the best things about TU is that there are so many resources at my hand I can use them for both educational and recreational means. This is the start of something huge and I couldn't be happier.
Steve

The Long Goodbyes

Let me first state that I read over my first post and it came out a little more malicious then I had hoped. I stand by every statement I made except for the "I'm writing this for me" part. I would love for everyone to read and laugh at other peoples expense with me. So for that and only that I apologize. I also said this would be a weekly blog but I decided against that. This will now be a "write whenever the fuck I want to write" blog.

:AND NOW TO THE POST:

I know this will not be very interesting to read and that the story will truly pick up when I begin school next week, but I find that this being my last true Freehold night that it deserves it own post.

I was met with the daunting task of watching my four little cousins ranging in age for 5 to 8, peace lasted for about 30 minutes. When my youngest brother came home from his doctor's appointment I allowed him to take the reigns. This was in no way passing the buck but a mere changing of the gaurds so I could finish packing for school. And by finish I mean start. 15 minutes later I was looking at a very small pile of what I will call my life for the next four months. With that completed I met with my very good friend, Derek, for some ice cream, sort of a last desert if you will {and I know you will}. Ice cream came into play once more that evening when I shared another frozen meal with more good friends Mike and Johnny B. For both I consumed a peanut butter and chocolate confection frozen to perfection and not in anyway infected. I then proceeded to drive around with said good friends, talking about nothing imp- articular. Up and down Route 9 we went when it dawned on me that I will never experience this moment again. My car, 1993 Saturn, is being sold and I am leaving. What makes it worse is that my goodbyes came one day to early. I am attending a baseball game with my father, who undoubtedly is trying to make up for lost time, tomorrow and will be unable to participate in the monotony that is small town life one last time.
So here's to you Freehold Township, though our torrid love affair only lasted five years they were the best I could have hoped and/or asked for.

The Begining, Middle, and The New Begining

The zero hour is apon me. I Stephen am about to step into the world and become a man, in every sense of the word. I find it odd that I am looking into the past even now at the eve of my future. I find that wrinting, or in this case typing, has always been a passion of mine. Like music or movies or belittling people I hardly know, it has been engraved in every fiber of my being. It is hard to say where this 18 year old kid came from who is typing before you. I began my childhood in Howell New Jersey or as me and my freinds affectinutly call it "Howell-bama". These first thirteen years were not the best but they did instill some sort of characteristic in me, I have yet to discover this cornacopia of traits but I like to think they are there. Then a drastic change in my life, mostly due to the decision of my parents, occurred. In moving to Freehold New Jersey I got a clean slate and found myself in a very similar situation as I am in now. In high school I went through the stages that everyone does: depression, anger, confusion, shyness, and a bevy of others that I refuse to recall to save myself the embarassment.
That pritty much leads us up to this point. I worked to jobs this summer one at a clothing outlet and the outher at a day camp. I can say safely that neither proved to be rewarding work but at least I got to play outside everyday in camp.
However this summer was not lost to meaninless work and sleep. I got the chance to hang out with two of my best friends in North Carolina, which was pritty much one long dick and fart joke. Another saving grace of this summer were my constant trips to the cinema. The movies that stand out in my mind have to be Snakes on a Plane, easily the most fun I've had at the movies in the longest time, Little Miss Sunshine, maybe the best movie of the year, and of course the triumphant return of View Askew Productions in Clerks 2. I am not afraid to say I love Kevin Smith. This has been my experience this summer. Work, sleep, driving, and two trips to the ImprovJam, I hope that they were not my last due to the fact that they were so gosh darn fun.
I would like to end this post with just a word of warning: I am writting this for me and for me alone. If any of you get something out of my writing so be it, if not oh well. This will be a place of jokes at others expense, movie ratings, social experiences as well as critques, and an autobiographical outlet.
Stay Tuned,
Steve