Welcome to Dispordore /“Man You Have a Big Nose”

My other enterance to the Temple literary magazine, hyphen.



From the office of Harold Mehlman, the first hand account of Captain Davis of his trip to Dispordore:

In the coming years space travel will vastly increase and more and more ventures will be taken. The following is the account of MCI-89, travel robot companion to the valiant Captain Davis. The planet they encountered was called Dispordore, by the Earthlings; however the Dispordorians called it Place Where We All Live. You see the Disapordorians all looked like humans but had one strange trait. When they spoke they said what was expected as well as what they thought. So if a Dispordorian wife asked her Dispordorian husband if her dress made her look fat he would so answer “No of course not/ No your face does.” While this might propose a problem for all Earth women the female Dispordorians all were used to it. It has been edited by this office which is seen in the parenthesis. So now join Captain Davis and MCI-89 as they step off their ship, dubbed Schwarzenegger 1 after the United States’ buffest president, and are greeted by the Dispordorian President/Most Hated Man on the Planet:

“Well, well, well what do we have here MC. It seems that we are on a different planet but if I learned anything from our training video (Planet of the Apes with Charlton Heston, the Marky Mark version sucks) this is obviously Earth in the future.” Davis exclaimed gallantly jumping down from his ship.
“Sir, soil samples state otherwise.” MCI-89 said almost prepared to shoot down his leader exclamation.
“Right well, I was just testing you MC. And…hmm…congratulations! You passed with flying reflected light that shows a cornucopia of shades (colors). I’ll send you a fruit basket next Halloween.”
“Thank you sir, but that is neither necessary nor prudent.”
Upon the horizon dozens of news cameras and vans as well as a few thousand people were rushing to the crash site.

“Look they’re here to welcome me,” said Davis “quick do I have anything in my teeth?”
“You look fine, sir.” MC stated, (he would have rolled his eyes and sighed if he had any eyes, eye sockets, or vocal cords.)
Then the President/Most Hated Man on the Planet entered “Welcome/come on this again, welcome/how many times do we need to do this, welcome/oh well everyone put on you plastic smiles, to you my metal friend! Oh and you brought a primitive man along with you for company how nice.”
“Hey wait a minute…do you got the double talk son?” Davis questioned
“Oh you’re speaking of the traditional false truth/true truth talk we Dispordorians/Place where we live-ians have been using for thousands of years/since last week.”
“Oh I see…coughfreakscough.”
“Ah in a gesture of friendship he speaks like us/jackass.”
Aside
“MC we must get out of here.”
“I concur, sir”
To President and crowd
“Well we must be off lots more of wonderful species to meet and they wont shake their own hands. Goodbye good friends hopefully our time will let us meet again.” Davis said with a grand salute.”
“Thank you/thank God, thank you/ finally we can go back to playing PS 99, good traveling/good riddance.” the President/Most Hated Man on the Planet said. (The main export and source of income for the Dispordorians is entering and winning varying types of video game tournaments ranging from Halo 100 to classic scrabble.)

END TRANSMISSION

To this day no other humans have traveled to Dispordoria. Obviously their double talk is very annoying. Also many races take their way of speaking to offence. In the year 2067 A.D. the Dispordorians were erased from the universe after they welcomed the Horgons, a race composed of ill-tempered and highly armed meerkats. There were no complaints.


Probably will be picked. So it goes,
Steve